Too much information.

The Essentials of Exercise Science is the OTHER book used when studying for the ACE GFI test. The first time I cracked it open, I seriously had second thoughts about this whole certification thing. There is just no way my brain will ever retain all this information. The anatomy section is the killer for me. I just SUCK at memorization. I mean SUCK! It doesn't help that all the muscle names are 500 letters long.

ACE actually has a blog with tips for people studying for their exams. This post saved my sanity. It's also nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like a friggin' genius, trying to memorize the names of muscles they can't even spell. The post lists exactly what we need to know from each chapter. THANK YOU!

Lets start at the beginning:

Chapter 1: The most important aspects of this chapter are the anatomical positions

• Anterior: Toward the front
• Posterior: Toward the back 
• Inferior: Away from the head
• Medial: Toward the midline of the body
• Lateral: Away from the midline of the body
• Proximal: Toward the attached end of the limb
• Distal: Away from the attached end of the limb

 and planes of motion;

• Sagittal: Vertical, Divides left from right.
• Frontal: Vertical, Divides front from back.
• Transverse: Horizontal, Divides top from bottom.

 the segmental movements in the three planes;

Sagittal:

• Flexion
• Extension
• Dorsiflextion
• Plantarflexion

Frontal:

• Abduction
• Adduction
• Elevation
• Depression
• Inversion
• Eversion

Transverse:

• Rotation
• Supination
• Horizontal Flexion
• Horizontal Extension

So that's it. Easy, right...lol...

And God was like "You need to work on your core..."

For months, I've been thinking I need to buy a new stability ball. For some reason, I kept putting it off.

I walked outside on the other day, to discover a stability ball chilling in the planter right in front of my condo. Finders keepers! I'm pretty sure God was like, "Your abs are busted, and you have a muffin top. Here, take this."

Women's Health has loads of ball exercises, and full workouts. It's a great place to start if you are new to working out with a stability ball.

I was going to do something important, but I wrote this pointless post instead.

I am sick as a dog. In one month I have had food poisoning, pink eye, and now some bronchitis type crap. So, last night while I was chugging Robitussin, the song "Bottoms Up" popped into my head...

Put your tiny measuring cup in the AyeRRRR!

Ok, that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. I just had to share that strange moment in my life.

What to do?

At some point, I may actually finish studying, and take my ACE GFI test. Then I will have to figure out what classes I am actually going to teach. Since today's topic is class formats, I thought I would actually sit down and make a list of the classes I am interested in getting certified to teach. Saying "Ohhhhhh, I wanna do that!" every time I see a cool class, does not qualify as planning.

Belly dance fitness- There are two belly dance fitness programs available. I don't think I will be getting certified in either! There is Shar Qui, which I really like. But, it is so expensive! It's about $500 to get certified. Then there is Brancee, it seems like they never do instructor training over here on the left coast.

I've got quite a bit of belly dance experience under my jingly coin belt, and I don't think I would have any problem teaching a belly dance fitness class. So why don't I just skip the certification all together? Street cred.

Street Cred: I have none.

You rarely see a belly dance teacher with less than 10 years of professional dance experience. I have six years of dance experience, with a few amateur performances here and there. Not super impressive, but the average fitness class attendee wont care. The local "only game in town" BD teacher might though. Since that's a class she could be teaching. I just don't want people hating on me, ya know. Ok, enough rambling about that.

Fit2Cheer- A cheerleading fitness class using weighted pom poms! Awesome lvl.- over 9000. Everything is more fun with pom poms.

Oh Baby Fitness- This seems like a pretty fun/ easy class to teach. Plus I noticed none of our local gyms were offering preggo classes. And yeah, I've been there..

My child probably has Shimmied Baby Syndrome.

I would love to do cardio burlesque, but I can't find instructor training in the US. How is it possible that the UK and Canada have these classes, but we don't?

My first Tae Kwon Do class, and the basic components of a fitness class.

At age 14, I was kicked off my high school's cheerleading squad for sucking at algebra, and having a "bad attitude" in said algebra class. Because you know, math is one of the most important skills in cheerleading.

Needing a new activity, and an attitude adjustment, I took up karate. I loved it! I especially loved that within the magical boundaries of the karate studio, it was ok to kick and punch people to my hearts content.

Fast forward about one hundred years, to last Saturday: I had my first Tae Kwon Do class. Since my ACE study guide says I should have knowledge of the basic components of  a fitness class. I thought I would walk through my first class by component. Here it goes:

Warm-up: I show up to class, and I am the only no0b-ass white belt there, with a bunch of black belts. To make matters worse, they are almost all frigin' teenagers! So now, not only do I have no idea what I am doing, I am also old. I start my warm-up by hauling my geriatric ass around the room for a few laps. Then, the instructor tells us to side step around the room. Everyone else in the class is like eleven feet tall, and making one stride to my three. Gawd I'm slow. "Stop, now run backwards." And I'm like:

I suck even more at running backwards. After that humiliation, we line up for a series of mountain climbers and jumping over stuff. One of the things we had to jump over was a classmate's legs. I stepped on that girls legs three times. Sorry girl.

Conditioning: Lots of kicking drills, not too bad. Then we did some partner work with bags, AKA: "hold this while I kick the shit out of it, and I might miss a few times and damn near take your head off." The girl I stepped on was once again my partner, and I'm pretty sure she was getting her revenge.

Cool Down: I learned a bit of my first form. I only had to be shown like a thousand times. It was early and I hadn't had any coffee.

Flexibility: Pwned. Not a single one of those young whippersnappers could do the splits! Not even close. 

I used to be a cheerleader.

Hi! I'm Inappropriate!

Part of a Group Fitness Instructor's job is selecting appropriate music for each workout session. Does this mean I can't just play "Low" by Flo Rida, fifteen times in a row, like I do for my own workouts?

Well timed booty slaps raise aerobic intensity by 14%.*


According to the exam content outline, I should know something about music licensing laws. Group fitness classes in a for-profit situation, are considered public performance. Playing my legally-downloaded copy of "Low" in class is a copyright violation! Luckily most fitness centers have a blanket license, covering the music played by their instructors.

Another option would be to purchase music that is specially licensed for use in fitness classes. Pre-fab programs like Zumba, often come with their own licensed music.

The book also mentions using a drum machine or synthesizer to create your own music. WAY too much work! WAIT, would that give me an excuse to buy one of those awesome 80's keyboard-guitar thingies? Please say yes.

Other considerations besides not getting sued:

Volume:

I must bump "Low" at a volume below 85 decibels. That's slightly louder than an alarm clock (80 dB), but much quieter than a chainsaw (100 dB).

Tempo:

Music slower than 100 beats per minute (BPM) should be used for yoga, Pilates and stretching.

Beginner step training, low impact aerobics and hip-hop classes should use music with 100-122bpm.

122-129bpm is appropriate for conditioning, advanced step, low-mid impact aerobics, dance and aquatic exercise.


Mid-High impact aerobics, trampoline and martial arts classes should use music that has 130-160bpm.


'Low' is 130bpm, and would only be acceptable for strip-aerobics. (You can use this handy free Iphone app to figure out the BPM of any song.)

Lyrics and Content:

Any song that discusses giving a woman $3000 for adult activities, is probably not appropriate. Lyrics such as "All you alcoholics, where you at?" should also be avoided. That pretty much rules out all my favorite songs.


*Yeah, not really.